4.
In 2004, when my daughter Becky was ten, she and my husband, Joe, were united in their desire for a dog. As for me, I shared none of their canine lust.
But why, they pleaded. “Because I don’t have tine to take care of a dog.” But we’ll do it. “Really? You’re going to walk the dog? Feed the dog? Bathe the dog?” Yes,yes and yes.”I don’t believe you.” We will. We promise.
They didn’t. From day two (everyone wanted to walk the cute puppy that first day), neither thought to walk the dog. While I was slow to accept that I would be the one to keep track of her shots, to schedule her vet appointments, to feed and clean her, Misty knew this on day one. As she looked up at the three new humans in her life (small, medium, and large), she calculated, "The medium one is the sucker in the pack."
Quickly, she and I developed something very similar to a Vulcan mind meld(心灵融合). She’d look at me with those sad brown eyes of hers, beam her need, and then wait, trusting I would understand---which, strangely, I almost always did. In no time, she became my fifth appendage(附肢), snoring on my stomach as I watched television.
Even so, part of me continued to resent walking duty. Joe and Becky had promised. Not fair, I’d balk(不心甘情愿地做) silently as she and I walked.“Not fair,” I’d loudly remind anyone within earshot upon our return home.
Then one day-January 1, 2007, to be exact-my husband’s doctor uttered an unthinkable word: leukemia (白血病). With that, I spent eight to ten hours a day with Joe in the hospital, doing anything and everything I could to ease his discomfort. During those six months of hospitalizations, Becky, 12 at that time, adjusted to other adults being in the house when she returned from school. My work colleagues adjusted to my taking off at a moment’s notice for medical emergencies. Every part of my life changed; no part of my old routine remained.
Save one: Misty still needed walking. At the beginning, when friends offered to take her through her paces, I declined because I knew they had their own households to deal with.
As the months went by, I began to realize that I actually wanted to walk Misty. The walk in the morning before I headed to the hospital was a quiet, peaceful time to gather my thoughts or to just be before the day’s medical drama unfolded. The evening walk was a time to shake off the day’s upsets and let the worry tracks in my head go to white noise.
When serious illness visits your household, it’s not just your daily routine and your assumptions about the future that are no longer familiar. Pretty much everyone you know acts differently.
Not Misty. Take her for a walk, and she had no interest in Joe’s blood or bone marrow test results. On the street or in the park, she had only one thing on her mind: squirrels! She was so joyful that even on the worst days, she could make me smile. On a daily basis, she reminded me that life goes on.
After Joe died in 2009, Misty slept on his pillow.
I’m grateful-to a point. The truth is, after years of balking, I’ve come to enjoy my walks with Misty. As I watch her chase a squirrel, throwing her whole being into the here-and-now of an exercise that has never once ended in victory, she reminded me, too, that no matter how harsh the present or unpredictable the future, there’s almost always some measure of joy to be extracted from the moment.
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